Seventy-six trombones led the big parade
With a hundred and ten cornets right behind.
They were followed by rows and rows of a thousand Eskimos,
Who were all of ev'ry shape and kind!

There were copper bottom tympani and horse spittoons
Thundering,

The story:

My mother's family is originally from Alaska, and from childhood, it seemed a given to her that River City, Iowa had a large, proud and diverse Inuit population who would of course be represented at any parade the town threw. That's how she sang it to me, and that's what I heard every time I watched the old musical.

On the other hand, I was convinced that these Iowans had somehow trained their horses to spit into metal urns rather than in the street, and that between the clop of the horses' hooves and the sound of many horses using spittoons simultaneously, of course they went 'thundering all along the way'! That would be pretty damn loud, if rather hygienic...

It was only recently, after a few beers and a rousing rendition of 76 Trombones at a family gathering that my mom and I looked up the original lyrics. And though we may have been hilariously wrong, we think our version is way, way better!