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    Latest Misheard Stories

    Artist: Statler Brothers

    Song: Eve

    The Story: Don't eat the fruit in the garden, Eden,, It wasn't in God's natural plan., You were only a rib,, And look at what you did,, To Adam, the father of Man.

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    Artist: Queens of the Stone Age

    Song: You Can't Quit Me Baby

    The Story: You smell like goat, I'll see you in hell

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    Artist: Starship

    Song: Sarah

    The Story: All the b***h had said, all been washed in black

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    Artist: Iron Maiden

    Song: The Prisoner

    The Story: And my blunt is my ho now

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    Artist: Pearl Jam

    Song: Jeremy

    The Story: At home, drawing pictures, Of mounds of tots, With ham on top

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    I was a lonely teenage drunken f*ck

    Artist: Don McLean
    Song: American Pie
    Real Lyric: I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck



    The story:

    Ronnie James Dio has, for a long time, been a running joke among my friends and I. We all like his music and listen to it often, but never got over the unintentional comedy of his music (and the fact that he looks like Carla from Cheers) enough for the hero worship metalheads usually reserve for the guy. But this story takes place at a time where we were still in the Shock and Awe phase of fandom, which, because of this story and other retarded moments like it, would soon change.

    So anyway, one day a friend of mine and I were talking on the phone, talking s**t about another friend who, at the time, didn't look like he would ever make it out of high school. The subject slowly turned to equal opportunity, then racial equality, and then a larger, lyric-reference laden exchange on the state of the world and Africa or somesuch.

    Having some Dio on in the background, I, midway through a little speech about how European cultural dominion doesn't necessarily reflect social darwinism OR WHATEVER, punctuated my impassioned commentary with (what I thought were) relevant lyrics from a song we were both familiar with. "Dude, you gotta think about it. 'Is the white man always right? No! He can play the fool'".

    When he finally stopped laughing at me and telling everybody we know what an ass I sounded like, I resolved to never take rock lyrics seriously again.

    This may have been one of those 'had to be there stories'; if so, I guess you had to be there.

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