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    Latest Misheard Stories

    Artist: Statler Brothers

    Song: Eve

    The Story: Don't eat the fruit in the garden, Eden,, It wasn't in God's natural plan., You were only a rib,, And look at what you did,, To Adam, the father of Man.

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    Artist: Queens of the Stone Age

    Song: You Can't Quit Me Baby

    The Story: You smell like goat, I'll see you in hell

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    Artist: Starship

    Song: Sarah

    The Story: All the b***h had said, all been washed in black

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    Artist: Iron Maiden

    Song: The Prisoner

    The Story: And my blunt is my ho now

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    Artist: Pearl Jam

    Song: Jeremy

    The Story: At home, drawing pictures, Of mounds of tots, With ham on top

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    i) I sat on the roof
    And kicked off Kate Moss -
    For a few of her verses had got me quite cross

    ii) If I were a sculptor
    Or then again - no;
    Or a man who makes cushions in a travelling show...

    Artist: Elton John
    Song: Your Song
    Real Lyric: i)I sat on the roofAnd kicked off some mossFor a few of the verses had got me quite crossii)If I were a sculptorOr then again - no;Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show...

    The story:

    i) The idea of Elton John suddenly deciding he couldn't work with this woman any more, and no doubt ditching her in favour of Bernie Taupin as a co-writer, was pretty much self-evident to me. I had a shrewd feeling that anyone forced into close company with Kate Moss would either want to (i) blot it out with lots of hard drugs, as her last boyfriend famously did; or
    ii) physically throw her off a very high roof.

    Then somebody pointed out to me that Elton recorded "Your Song" in 1969, in which year Ms Moss was still actually unborn and would remain so for a further twelve years until 1978.


    and as for (ii) - the idea of an itinerant travelling upholsteror and haberdasher actually made a lot of sense to me, maybe one who sewed up your torn antimicassar while you waited, at a travelling crafts show... again, the reality was more banal than this and provoked a "whoops..." moment.

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