Give your ID card to the beauregard.
Now the alien says you're Cpt. Jean-Luc Picard
Of the United Federation of Planets
Cause people speak English anywhere.

The story:

My step-dad came home one day and told me about this song he heard on the radio and sang the wrong lyrics. I thought that must be a cool song. It wasn't until years later I heard the song and realized it was the one my step-dad had tried to sing